I would rock it...

Flipped Bird Yoga Workout Beach or Baby Bag?

Love These!

I love their little happy faces :) Lil' Happy Snacks Zip Pouches by keitosan

Ooopsies....

Hmmm....well I HAVE definitely been lagging. Looking back, seems like I stopped once I got my job. It has been so crazy at work, I rarely have time for much. And being in front of the computer so much at work keeps me away from it at home. Yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses.

Scott has started boot camp classes (thanks to my urging) and now he's got a weights class at his gym on Tuesdays, a boot camp class outside on Wednesdays and another weights class on Saturday mornings. Of course, my attendance is mandatory, even when I'm kicking and screaming (and on Saturday, I AM kicking and screaming). So with those times taken, it reeeally feels like I have zero time.

Oh, and I've also decided to sign up for the GMAT AGAIN. "Again" because I signed up once, didn't study enough and just decided to bail. I know. It's like $250. THAT is how lazy and uncommitted to myself I can be. I didn't even try to get the $50 back for canceling. I'm furious with myself about it and yet, I never did anything about it.

So now, I have about another month to study. Let's see what happens......

No! No Dammit No!

No, I won't let this be my life. I will do something special. I will do the things I want to do. I will be happy. I will be healthy. And I will have something interesting to write about, rather than rantings and ravings of things past.

I swear sometimes it's like my head is going to explode with the back and forth. Am I crazy or am I just boring? Is there something wrong or am I just lazy? Am I lying to myself? I want to be like the Sara's of the world who laugh and are happy. I don't want to fake it. I want to FEEL it.

Why won't my body let myself do what my mind wants so badly?

This is ridiculous. Thank goodness nobody is reading.

The dreaded phone...

I would like to get rid of my cell phone. I don't want it anymore. Actually, wait. I like the device itself. It helps me find directions, keeps me entertained, gives me instant information when I need it and keeps me organized. But the whole dialing out and receiving calls thing I can definitely do without.

Is that bad?

It's just so much pressure to call people and keep up conversation. Is it because I'm not talking to the right people? Like my friend Sara. I went on my first big trip in August with Scott. It was the first time either of us had gone anywhere besides a backpacking trip a few hours away, and it was certainly the first time we had gone international. We got back and almost immediately afterwards, my friend Sara left for her big trip.

Sara has one of those infectious personalities. She laughs heartily at everything and the next thing you know, everything is funny to you, too. And it feels good, so you have a grand old time. But she definitely has some draw backs that make you want to shake sense into her every once in a while.

First off, Sara has gone on an international trip for several months each year for the past several years. With a paycheck very similar to the size of mine (ahem, my previous one rather), she somehow makes it happen. Of course, she has a mom that dumps all kinds of things her way, from laptops to cameras, to brand new flat screens for her boyfriend at Christmas. Not that it's wrong. If my parents wanted to do that...fine! But the money I use to buy basic things like a camera or to pay basic expenses, like a deposit on an apartment, car insurance, car payments, are payed by me. Not my parents. So it must be nice. (Okay, I know I sound bitter, but I can't help it.)

Anyway, so she left for her third Euro-vacation with a bunch of friends. From there, her and another friend were headed to Africa for a"meaningful vacation" which is essentially paying more than you normally would to go to a developing country and volunteer.

Things that pissed me off about it PART I: Both her and the other friend asked us repeatedly to "donate to the cause" several times throughout the year. First, it was casually mentioned. Then, we were all hit up several times to donate our old clothes, jewelery, junk etc so they could sell them at a series of yard sales. When it was crunch time, we received emails and "reference letters" from the program administrators and bios about both girls and how much they look forward to "giving back" and "living out their dreams of helping others."

That's great. No really, that's great. It's nice and I get where they are coming from......kind of. It's just that, first off, why don't you shave off one week off your three-week Euro vacation to help pay a portion of your Africa trip, hmm? Second, you can hit me up once or twice, but not three, four, five, six, seven times. And then I hear from my best friend that Sara walks around saying, "I don't understand what is so hard about giving up $20 here and there."

Things that piss me off about it PART II: Here's what's so hard about it. Despite the same size of my paycheck and the additional fact that we NEVER go out (like Sara does a couple of days EVERY weekend, and throughout the week), that I NEVER go shopping, (save for once a year or so and mainly because I have gift cards from my birthday or Christmas), and that we live a very simple life (no cable, no fancy toys, etc), I still have only a little bit left at the end of the month to save some money and -GASP- maybe buy dinner once in a while when I'm too pooped to cook. I wish my parents bought me everything I ever wanted, but they don't. In fact, I make sure my mom is taken care of, and will often times step in to purchase something that she really needs.

Things that piss me off about it PART III: To top it all off, she is an incredible amount of drama. And since she's moved in with Celia (don't even get me started on her) the drama has increased immensely. So I never really like to have them around anyway, because if there aren't enough cute boys around, they get antsy. And every time I invite them for a birthday party or a celebration, they always leave early so they don't miss the deadline for whatever guest list they happen to be on at a downtown club.

Did I mention that Sara is supposed to be one of my bridesmaids? Eeesh.

Anyway, back to the phone. So she's been back for a few weeks, and I haven't called. Part of me didn't because I've been especially miserable as of late. But there's another part of me with a reason that I just can quite put my finger on. Is it "misery loves company" that keeps me away from her? Like that I'm afraid that she'll actually put me in a good mood? Or is it that I think we're so far off that I don't want to hear all the good things she has to say and pretend like I think it's all funny and cool.

Since she's been back, she's sent me text messages and emails with increasing anger, questioning my reasons for not calling. And I'm confused. Isn't the phone a two-way thing? She can text and email me, but I have to call her?

Am I missing something? And more importantly, why can't I just pick up the phone and get it over with already?!

Paralysis Shmaralysis!

I got the job!

Keep Stringing Me Along

I lost my job in July, right before a one month vacation to South America to visit good friends of ours and be a part of their wedding. Scott and I had been planning for over a year.

After five years, I had given this office everything I had. Nobody there could argue that I had the most challenging base of people to work with. In fact , two people before me only lasted a few years with them, before they were given new responsibilities in the office, due to their burnout.

Our big boss was losing her mind and completely out of touch with reality. A person that I used to be so proud to work for; that I campaigned for for two years straight, going from my fulltime job in her office to my nonpaid job in her campaign office until sometimes midnight, and pretty much all day on the weekends, was now losing her marbles. I was kind of embarrased to represent her.

With a second boss that used his apparent naivity (he spent his previous life as a pastor) to say things that no boss should ever say to anyone he supervises, particularly girls - ahem - I was miserable.

So the bitch let me go because I was "unhappy." There's a lot more to it than that, but that's the crux. Turns out the pastor was a snake in the grass, but I only heard that from his ex-collegues after he screwed me over.

So I went on the trip which was awesome of course. Except for the fact that not having a steady income stream stresses me out to no end. It makes me lose sleep and screws with my head.

Luckily I knew I had snagged (the day before we left) a 3-month internship at a hot pr firm in the area. I had wanted to work their for years, but never had the guts to give everything up and go down a new path. This time, I had no choice.

Three months passed, and so did they. On hiring me that is. Which is fine anyway because it was like working in a sorority - everyone talked like a vallley girl, and I felt pressured to wake up every morning and spend an hour on hair and makeup to make up for the fact that I hadn't gone shopping in over a year. I don't watch bad tv (when I told them I don't have cable, everyone gasped) and I don't read fashion magazines. How dare I?

I felt okay about it too, because I was thisclose to getting a job at a place I actually wanted to be. I spent the whole last month of my internship talking to the owner of the company. I met with a couple members of his staff who loved me. I'm pretty sure he loved me, but he really wanted me to meet the Operations person because that's who I would be working under.

That happened yesterday and boy did she have doubts. The owner however said that he was still going to give me an offer and that he would call me later in the day because he wanted to get me in the next morning. Great!

..Except he didn't call.

I emailed him around 7pm to make sure he wasn't expecting me in the next morning. He wrote back to say that he had had such a hectic rest of the day, and that we should plan to speak today at 10am.

I have a feeling that the Ops lady convinced him to lessen the title and the salary (which was low to begin with!).

Now I'm worried. At this point, I'll take anything. But I'm afraid the salary will be what I started with at my first job, and back then, I had no car payment, car insurance payment, health insurance payment, and paid $250 less in rent.

I know I should spend most of this morning looking for jobs just in case but...

Here comes the paralysis....