I'm sorry!

I'm so sorry I've been gone so long. Not that anyone is listening! But I'm really actually sorry to myself. I promised that I would use this as a way to get out all my frustration, since my apparent social anxiety keeps me from sharing them with anyone but myself.

The last few weeks have brought a few changes. We decided to postpone the wedding for one. We'll do it in 2010 instead of 2009. Costs were rapidly spiraling out of control, and we couldn't decide on whether to invite the whole family (giving us a whopping total of 160 guests on a budget of $10k) or have separate family parties and only invite our closest friends to the actual wedding (bringing our total down to a much more doable 80 people). We're still playing with that idea.

By the way, if we go with 160, would it be totally insane to try to cater most if ourselves? I mean, we have a great Persian dish that only gets better after it's been able to sit for a few days. That would be a great app. And costco has so many wonderful little quiches and such. Why can't we just team up with the neighbors and use their ovens to take care of the hor d'ourves? We can purchase chicken from a local restaurant, but make a saffron quinoa (which we recently tried that was fabulous!) and a salad. I know it's a lot of people, but all of things can largely be prepared ahead of time, and put together by some dedicated friends and family on the day of. Cupcakes are already being taken care of by a bridesmaid and another friend.

Seriously, am I insane?

But I want it - hmph!

So, I've gone dress shopping a couple of times in the last 6 months. The last time I went, my sister took me to Demetrio's. That's where her dress came from ... ahem ... I mean, her dresses. Yeah, she had two. Thanks to my dad.

So after going to a shop in the morning, and finding a dress that I could see myself in, I guess (plus it was only $500), we went to the next store. At first, I thought it was just another store. I didn't know that it's pricey in general. My sister should have told me that!

But then, I found the most beautiful dress. It was perfect. No bling, except for a tiny little feathery doohickey clipped on to the side below my waist. It was beautiful. And, although I wish I was the style maven that I see in girls around town, I'm not. It's not that I don't like shopping. I've just never been able to make it a priority, with all the other crap that goes in on life. (I KNOW there are people who can identify with me on that!)

And stupid me, after reading all I have in magazines and blogs about looking at the price first before you try it on and not even going down that route when something is outside of your price range (I'm such a dummyyyy!), I fell in love, and THEN looked at the price.

Cha-ching - $1,000

I mean, if things were okay right now (yeah, yeah the economy, but seriously! It is soooo scary right now), and not having a job (well only for another month or so, and it's about a 1/4 of the salary that I was getting in July), I just can't do it. I mean, I just shouldn't do it. I guess I could. But I don't want to dip into my emergency three-month money. You know, the money that keeps you from living on the streets. Yes, that fund. I'm lucky enough to have it. And I SHOULD NOT dip in.

But what's worse? They lady at the store said that the dress was a trunk show item. They were being shipped back to New York that night, and I couldn't take pictures, and because they're so new, they aren't on the web or in any catalogs.

Now, I HATE being pressured to buy something. I find it rude when people push you and don't pay attention to what you want. But in this case - I want it. And I want it BADLY. And every time I looked at the pictures of the dresses that I-guess-I-could-see-myself-in, they just looked so.....regular.

I talked to my dad the other day, to gauge whether he would even bring up the wedding, or even come close to asking how it's going. He didn't of course. Yeah, didn't even ask about the wedding at all. I guess I'm not surprised. He's always treated my sister differently than he has me. Granted, we weren't in the middle of this financial crisis during her wedding (12 years ago). And I know he's hurting. But still! He doesn't even ask! It's so infuriating.

(And I know I said that a dad section will be forthcoming, but thinking about him and all this family history makes me so angry and upset, that I just haven't wanted to dive into that. Plus, it would take me all day to type it out. But as usual when the topic turns to my dad, I digress.)

Where was I?

Oh yeah. I reeeeeeally want that dress. And I'm so bummed. Partially because I think I'm being a brat. But I never play this game. I usually accept that I rarely get what I want, and I just need to deal with it. But with 150 people looking at me on that one day, and Ryan and I looking at the pictures for the rest of our lives, why shouldn't I spend the extra $500, so that I can be happy?

Why? Because I'm broke. Dangit! Now what?

Invitations

I had the greatest idea ever - to design and print my own invitations!

Uh huh - until 6 months have elapsed and I'm finding that it's not as easy as I thought. Of course not!

Now I need ideas. I created a killer paisley design for the stationary. (I've gained some sweet photoshop skills in the meantime, which I have been trying to get for a while - yippee!)

But it looks like crap when I print it. Crap I say! I'm curious if I can create a stamp? But can I get the stamp pad in the color I like? Will it look ridiculous?

AND I'm broke. How do I do without spending my leg? (I've already spent my arm on other wedding related things....)

Fabulous!

So for a while now, I've decided that hot pink, tangerine and saffron yellow were going to be our colors. I know, it sounds hideous at first, but think of a bird of paradise. It has all of those colors and is friggin gorgeous.

But last Sunday after wedding dress shopping, my sister and I pulled out a couple of bridesmaids dresses in those colors and ... well, I love my girls! I don't want them NOT loving me. Especially if I make them buy a dress in a one of those colors. That would be mean.

So, I stumbled upon this blog just now, and just about fell off my chair! As a middle eastern, I LOVE the ethnic flair this picture inspires, and now, I'm thinking I want to change my colors to "tiffany blue" and "tangerine." Does that sound even more hideous? Check it out:

www.stylemepretty.com/2008/07/11/color-palette-contest-winners/

Yey I Get to Plan a Wedding :)

Okay, so it's not an entirely new thing. My boyfriend of 6 years and I (5 years when we got engaged) decided to get hitched in March. We picked July 18, 2009.

At first, I thought I was ahead of the curve. With over a year to go, we snagged a photographer and a dj; picked our colors, and decided to have the ceremony and reception in the garden of his parent's family home.

But now, holy shizzle. With, umm, nine months to go, it's freak out time. So much to do, and the clock is ticking. Apparently I need a dress, like now? And for goodness sakes, can a caterer just fall out of the sky with amazing food and affordable prices already? I'm dying here and they're trying to choke me with a chicken bone...and sticker shock.

Help!