But I want it - hmph!

So, I've gone dress shopping a couple of times in the last 6 months. The last time I went, my sister took me to Demetrio's. That's where her dress came from ... ahem ... I mean, her dresses. Yeah, she had two. Thanks to my dad.

So after going to a shop in the morning, and finding a dress that I could see myself in, I guess (plus it was only $500), we went to the next store. At first, I thought it was just another store. I didn't know that it's pricey in general. My sister should have told me that!

But then, I found the most beautiful dress. It was perfect. No bling, except for a tiny little feathery doohickey clipped on to the side below my waist. It was beautiful. And, although I wish I was the style maven that I see in girls around town, I'm not. It's not that I don't like shopping. I've just never been able to make it a priority, with all the other crap that goes in on life. (I KNOW there are people who can identify with me on that!)

And stupid me, after reading all I have in magazines and blogs about looking at the price first before you try it on and not even going down that route when something is outside of your price range (I'm such a dummyyyy!), I fell in love, and THEN looked at the price.

Cha-ching - $1,000

I mean, if things were okay right now (yeah, yeah the economy, but seriously! It is soooo scary right now), and not having a job (well only for another month or so, and it's about a 1/4 of the salary that I was getting in July), I just can't do it. I mean, I just shouldn't do it. I guess I could. But I don't want to dip into my emergency three-month money. You know, the money that keeps you from living on the streets. Yes, that fund. I'm lucky enough to have it. And I SHOULD NOT dip in.

But what's worse? They lady at the store said that the dress was a trunk show item. They were being shipped back to New York that night, and I couldn't take pictures, and because they're so new, they aren't on the web or in any catalogs.

Now, I HATE being pressured to buy something. I find it rude when people push you and don't pay attention to what you want. But in this case - I want it. And I want it BADLY. And every time I looked at the pictures of the dresses that I-guess-I-could-see-myself-in, they just looked so.....regular.

I talked to my dad the other day, to gauge whether he would even bring up the wedding, or even come close to asking how it's going. He didn't of course. Yeah, didn't even ask about the wedding at all. I guess I'm not surprised. He's always treated my sister differently than he has me. Granted, we weren't in the middle of this financial crisis during her wedding (12 years ago). And I know he's hurting. But still! He doesn't even ask! It's so infuriating.

(And I know I said that a dad section will be forthcoming, but thinking about him and all this family history makes me so angry and upset, that I just haven't wanted to dive into that. Plus, it would take me all day to type it out. But as usual when the topic turns to my dad, I digress.)

Where was I?

Oh yeah. I reeeeeeally want that dress. And I'm so bummed. Partially because I think I'm being a brat. But I never play this game. I usually accept that I rarely get what I want, and I just need to deal with it. But with 150 people looking at me on that one day, and Ryan and I looking at the pictures for the rest of our lives, why shouldn't I spend the extra $500, so that I can be happy?

Why? Because I'm broke. Dangit! Now what?