December 1, 2008, 22 minutes of cardio

Okay, exercise for me goes in spurts. Despite having a personal, personal trainer at home (my soon to be hubby), I hate exercising. I hate cardio, I like weights a little better than that, and although I'm generally happy once I'm outside, it's a familiar battle in our house to get me to walk to the park a few blocks away and play frisbee for 15 minutes.

I LOVE to walk though. Walks around the neighborhood are my favorite. Especially where we are now. We're lucky to live in an apartment that is nestled between beautiful and historic crafstman homes. And being the dreamers that we are, we love to check the houses out...what they've done with the landscaping, how much we think the place is worth, whether we like the colors they've chosen, etc. Long walks to adjacent neighborhoods are even better. I love exploring by foot!

Anyway, I'll usually get really motivated and hit the gym a few times a week for a couple weeks. (I've been known to go for months - GASP!) So I was doing really well a few weeks ago and then BAM! I hit the wall. I think it's because I was so motivated to look awesome in a wedding dress (it was surprisingly motivating, even will all my unmotivated-ness), and I've only recently let sink in the fact that I have way over a year now to fit into it.

Today, I'm trying to start that over again.

I've been feeling and looking a lot better in general when it comes to my body image. I'm lighter now than I was in high school AND junior high! And by a good 30 pounds. I think that's awesome. And now if I gain a few pounds, I feel huge, and when I work hard and get rid of them, I feel better. It's the difference between 1 pound sometimes! Once 134 creeps up, I feel gargantuan.

Okay, before this gets to lengthy, I just want to say the following....I know I'm not fat. I don't have a ridiculously warped image of myself. (It's only a little warped I'm sure.) But as a child, I was always big. Up until my first couple years of college did I realize that I can lose weight all by myself. And not until a couple of years ago when I made a bet with a friend at work, did I realize how good I could look! I got all the way down to 134 and I was ecstatic about how I felt. And now, I'm trying to keep 134 as the top of the range, and am working towards the bottom of the range...128. But that darn lack of motivation. It can easily manipulate me, and make me stop all the progress I've made, right when I'm close to getting where I want to go.

And there's just a few things that bother me still. First, when a thin person goes from, say 128 to 135, they usually still look thin in general. But as hard as I work to get down to 134, I look different. I don't know if it's because my skin has lost some of its elasticity or what. But I just don't look the same. My arms are huge. My drumsticks are...well drumsticks. Thin-from-a-child-people don't look the same. Jerks :)