Hope the Potential Job Covers...

....behavioral health services. I say that because I truly miss my therapist. I've only had a couple but this last one was really getting somewhere. Until I left my job, just a few months after I started with her. I was learning so much!

Like how when I just want to sleep the day away or just do nothing and then I get mad at myself for being so lazy - that there's a reason behind it. It's not just that my mom was lazy and I learned bad habits (although, I'm sure there is definitely something there) but it's being overwhelmed that puts me in an almost state of paralysis.

But now wait a second - this is where I stopped seeing her. I get all that with the overwhelming feelings that paralyze me into a blob. Except that now, I don't have all those things that I was worried about last year. I took care of them. The family is fine and I'm on me time. Of course, I still don't have a job, and the last day of my 3-month internship was last Wednesday. I've had some promising conversations with a local business owner, and I'll know more about it tomorrow at my (hopefully last) interview.

I know that is definitely weighing down on me. Here's what really gets me though....after almost 4 months of not having a real job, and knowing how much a lack of steady income stresses me out (like losing sleep and angry stressing), I can't get myself to work on my resume or cover letter much. Or do any aggressive job searching. THAT is the paralysis I'm talking about.

One time I told the therapist about a similar situation. I was complaining that I can't even get motivated to do the things that I WANT to do. Interestingly enough, she said that maybe those things AREN'T what I want. Wow. I never thought about it that way.

But seriously, I can't throw everything away and just audition for plays the rest of my life. What about Scott? As a business owner, there is no steady income for him. And right now, his services area luxury for some.

Oh my gosh, I'm getting anxious just mulling all these over in my head.

Calm down Laila. Drink your water. Peruse craigslist for a second. Write another post in 1o minutes.